Marriage as a leash with option to renew- No I don’t think so.
“Marriage as a leash with option to renew”, my Professor brought up the idea in one of my class after explaining that he and his wife were having some difficult times in their marriage awhile back. He wanted to know what we thought about the idea and to me it kind of touched an emotional spot that had me running of a list of reasons on why that it was a bad idea.
First of all, I’ve only been married a year and they said if you make it through your first year your fine. To the person who said that I say bullshit! If you make it through your first five years one should say then you stand a fighting chance. Most marriages end in the first year, 50% plus of marriages that is and this is due to many different reasons. So that means one in two couples will break up. But, imagine if that contract that you signed was a lease like the one you might have on your car, at anytime you found yourself doubting the relationship or thing that you might want a newer sexier model you can opt. out of it and return to the single life.
The rate of divorces, I believe would sky rocket and the supposed holy union would be nothing more than a sham. Being married is not for everyone, nor is being single. I finally got married at the age of twenty eight after going through a couple of horrible boyfriends. At any rate I believe those relationships could be the stepping stone to a good marriage. Those are the relationships that you should have the option of opting out off, not the ones where you officially said “I want to settle down and start my life.”
Like I said earlier, my husband and I have only been married a year and so far the year was good since we live a part. We learned to be happily married without seeing each other. When he finally moved to the United States our happy marriage started to hit those road blocks most marriages fail to over come. We began to get on each others nerves and now and then everything and anything he did got on my nerves. When we lived apart he would often get on my nerves, but since he moved in it seemed to have amplified. Each little trait of his that I wasn't exposed too when we were dating started showing themselves and it began to pick away at my sanity. Sometimes I found myself thinking “why did I get married?”
Now image if that option to opt. out of marriage was available to young inexperienced couples like us, I would have probably opted out of the most wonderful part of my life. Having someone to laugh with, someone to show you how special you are, even when you don’t feel that way and just being there with the person, imagine opting out of that.
The idea that a marriage could so easily end, one would think why even get married; Marriage is a foundation built on trust and communication. In the courtship before the marriage (which I consider the boyfriend/girlfriend stage) that should have already been established and if one fines his or herself doubting the relationship then that’s when one should opt out before signing any long term contracts.
Some of us are meant to stay single. Those that like to play the field, those that can’t keep a boyfriend or girlfriend for more that five days, are the ones who would enjoy the thought of this option. I believe they are the ones that contribute to the high divorce rates. They enter into a fairy tales, just to see it as a nightmare once their single life is over. They are stuck in the realty that now they have to answer to someone and come home at a specific time. Things they didn't have to do when they were single. Marriage101 stated one of the best reasons I believe some people get divorced “Freedom is one of the most important beliefs for America and nothing can replace it besides love. When they married, they don’t run for long love. If they think the love and family can’t offer their happiness and safety, they would choose to divorce. They wouldn't think more about the family or the children because they take themselves as the center. That means they love freedom not stability. Their dreams are running for their own blessedness.”
Realistically some luck out and find a person who understands the other persons need to go out and are comfortable with that , provided that they person does stay faithful and provide that person with the time and attention they need. Then there is the majority who think once you’re married there are things you can no longer do and those are the ones that end up with the communication problems that eventually lead to divorce.
So the question marriage as a leash with the option to renew has only one answer in my opinion, NO. Marriage should not come with limits and not treated as a car or an apartment for you to enjoy for a short time and then decide that you no longer want it. Marriage is a constant reminder that we are united in a single purpose which is to build on something and not throw it to the side when we think our time and patience is up. If a person values their freedom more than anything then marriage isn't the life for them and they should save the public the annoyance of reading about one more failed marriage.
Originally written November 2010